Do you ever hear a song from some of the happiest most wonderful moments in your life and have it end up turning around on you and making you so sad you cry your eyes out - unable to even listen to it, or is that just me?
The thing is, some moments were so amazing and joyful and once-in-a-lifetime-incredible that it almost hurts now to think of them because you can't go back. Its not that everything is terrible now, life is still full and blessed, but some of the most rich and beautiful times only happen once, and are gone way too soon.
After walking down the aisle to a song I have loved since the moment it was released in 2004, I can no longer listen to it. I actually change the station whenever it comes on and skip it on my ipod (note though, I won't remove it). Its "God Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts and the first time I heard it 7 years ago I swear I said:
Someday I am going to walk on my dad's arm to that song and he is going to give me away to an amazing husband and I am going to bless this road that is so damn broken right now.
It didn't occur to me then that once it happened, I'd never be able to listen to it again. I mean really, whose bright idea was it to have us dream of white dresses, cake, dancing and prince charming since we were 6 years old and then let us only do it one freakin' time (well, for the first time anyway). I really think we should be allowed to renew our vows at least once every two years - complete with a bridal shower, registry, reception, all of it! We only get to do it once though . . . and then its over and you can't go back and that is sad.
Want to hear about another one? Are there any of my college girls out there who can hear "Brown Eyed Girl" without thinking about dancing in a bar in Brockport, or whatever college town you were in . . . beer in your hand and all your best friends around, singin' like it was written just for you? Maybe your college song is another one, but no matter what song it is, it brings you back to those days when you were finally on your own, just beginning the path that would be all yours, scared to death at times but loving every minute because you found a bunch of girlfriends who were right there with you and guess what? They'd picked the same path so you had some hands to hold on the long journey.
When I hear that song I want to put on a body suit (1992, they were totally in!) and tight jeans and get in a drunken circle with at least 10 girls and belt it out. I want to dance and laugh and not care that much about anything except having fun and a song written just for us - brown eyed girls. I can still listen to it, but it hurts a little every time.
Oh my God, I don't even know if I can talk about childhood songs. I could cry right now and I'm not even listening to them. What are they? Oh, how about some 8-tracks of Kenny Rogers, "Through the Years," or a little bit of Elvis and "Love me Tender." These both bring me back to dancing in our living room with my sisters and my brother crying in his crib and dad laying on the couch and the smell of mom's sauce on the stove. Think of your song and close your eyes and I bet you too will be ten years old and you'll see your childhood bedroom, the kitchen counters and the couch. These songs are so complicated because families are so complicated and they bring you back to all the times that shaped you - good and bad. That makes me think of the new Miranda Lambert song: "The House that Built Me." Its beautiful and awful at the same time and I haven't heard it once without crying, so maybe I shouldn't listen to it anymore.
I mean really, I can't be bothered with all of this "remember when," which reminds me of the Allan Jackson song "Remember When," which is all about this stuff - the memories we carry with us.
"Remember when, thirty seemed so old?
Now looking back, it was just a stepping stone . . . . . .
Oh I'd do it all again.