Monday, April 23, 2012

Cat Hair

So . . . . if you hang out with me on Face Book you know that I have transformed my hard- cat-hating-heart and I totally love our new silly cat.  I'm not proud of it, but its true, and I am especially not proud of all of the intolerable cat stuff I now tolerate.

For example, I manage cat litter.  That's right, I scoop out smelly cat shit and dispose of it, when I previously didn't even want to be in the same house with a cat, let alone her feces.

What else?  Like a freakin' jackass, I get on my hands and knees and play chase/hide-and-go-stupid-seek with this nutty feline who wins every time.  How does she win?  Well, I hide around a corner and wait to jump out at her, but 90% of the time she jumps around the corner and scares the piss out of me first.  She wins.  Its ridiculous.  

I make coffee in the morning with only one hand because there is a rope she loves to jump for in the other hand and I'm swingin' it and makin' stupid cat/baby noises to entertain her.  Someone should kill me.

I can't be bothered going on. There is more and its embarrassing and I have become the cat-lover I used to mercilessly make fun of.   I need help.  But what I really need help with, what someone really really has to tell me how to manage is -   THE FREAKIN' CAT HAIR.  

I might be able to stand cat litter now and playing stupid kitty games and even having her ass practically in my face when we're both loungin' on the couch (see, I told you there's more), but I cannot tolerate the hair that is all over our house and I think if I find one more piece I will simply go bat-shit-crazy!

Where do I find it you ask?

- on my eye-lash, you heard me, on my eye-lash
- stuck to a sock that just came out of the wash, the WASH for god's sake, even the wash cannot destroy it
- on a lamp shade
- in the shower
- sticking straight out of a pant leg, how does it stick straight out like that, how?
- on the wall, apparently cat hair defies gravity 
- oh look at that, its on my sleeve right now, i kid you not, its on my frigaroni arm as i type!
- on my car seat, which means it was stuck to my ass, which means i'm gross
- everywhere