Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Dumb Bitch!

Dumb bitch?  What?  You seriously just called me a dumb bitch!  Oh my God.

At first, I am embarrassed to admit, I got a little choked up when I saw you call me this.  That's right, I read your lips, mean man, and there is absolutely no doubt you looked me right in the eye and called me a dumb bitch after . . .

. . . I very, very, very tentatively inched my way around the end of a line of cars in the parking lot (as I swear I always do because I am obsessive about my car), when suddenly you came flying around the corner, but really DIDN'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR HITTING ME due to how cautious I was being. 

So why am I a dumb bitch?  Were you just mad because you didn't realize, until after hitting the breaks on your precious BMW, that I had been two steps ahead of you and ya hadn't really needed to slow down in the first place?  Did that make you feel stupid so you decided to take it out on me, the dumb bitch?  Shockingly, it really startled me and hurt my feelings, but . . . 

. . . that initial reaction quickly turned to a pure jolt of anger as you roared past me and I realized what a complete jack-hole you are, and that's why I followed you to the end of the parking lot, where I thought you were about to park, feeling compelled to let you know that I am in fact NOT a dumb bitch.  I can't believe I followed you, but I did.  However, there was never an opportunity to say anything because you turned around, gave me a strange look and headed right back out to the street.  Hmm, big fat scaredy-cat? 

I'm not really sure why you never parked, but its definitely a good thing.  I can't be bothered having confrontations with old crotchety men in parking lots.  Plus, the truth is you were probably having a bad day or you are just mean or something that really has nothing to do with me - so I'm over it.  

Nonetheless, I will leave you with a list of dumb bitches so you know for sure the next time you think you see one.

- Casey Anthony
- Susan Smith
- Andrea Yates
- Diane Downs
- Aileen Wuornos
- You

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